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Angry, Grouchy, Mean Co-Workers ~ How do we Handle Them?

  • Writer: Tennison Smith
    Tennison Smith
  • Nov 1, 2024
  • 6 min read

Updated: Dec 9, 2024

How to Deal with an Angry, Vindictive Coworker: Strategies for Managing Workplace Conflict



Dealing with an angry, vindictive coworker can be one of the most challenging aspects of any job. Whether their behavior is subtle or overt, a coworker with a negative attitude can create unnecessary stress, decrease morale, and interfere with productivity. If left unchecked, their actions can escalate and lead to a toxic work environment that negatively impacts the entire team.


Below are some effective strategies for managing and dealing with an angry and vindictive coworker in a professional manner. By understanding the root causes of their behavior and employing practical conflict-resolution techniques, you can protect your well-being, maintain your professionalism, and promote a more harmonious work environment.


Understanding the Behavior: What Makes a Coworker Vindictive?


A vindictive coworker often exhibits behaviors that stem from a desire for revenge, perceived slights, or a deep sense of dissatisfaction. Their anger may be rooted in personal frustrations, past conflicts, or even envy toward others’ success. While everyone experiences frustration from time to time, a vindictive person typically reacts with hostility, passive-aggressive behavior, or undermining tactics. These behaviors can manifest in several ways:

  • Sabotaging your work: This could include withholding important information, spreading false rumors, or even attempting to discredit your achievements.

  • Open hostility: A vindictive coworker may openly criticize your performance, make sarcastic comments, or deliberately create situations that put you at a disadvantage.

  • Passive-aggressive tactics: This may involve backhanded compliments, indirect insults, or behaviors intended to frustrate you without direct confrontation.

  • Isolating or undermining others: A vindictive coworker might attempt to isolate you from team activities or exclude you from important conversations or decisions.


1. Stay Calm and Maintain Professionalism

The first and most important step in dealing with an angry, vindictive coworker is to stay calm and maintain your professionalism, even in the face of provocation. Reacting emotionally or retaliating can escalate the situation and play into their hands. Instead, focus on remaining composed and addressing the issue with maturity.

  • Tip: Practice deep breathing techniques or take a brief walk to center yourself if you feel overwhelmed by their behavior.

  • Tip: Respond to their behavior with neutral language, avoiding sarcasm, anger, or hostility. Keep your tone even and polite.


2. This one is Difficult ~ TRY Not to Take it Personally

Vindictive behavior often stems from personal issues or insecurities that have nothing to do with you. Don’t internalize their actions, and avoid taking their attacks or criticisms personally. Often, their behavior is a reflection of their own struggles, not a genuine assessment of your worth or performance.

  • Tip: Recognize that their anger may stem from issues unrelated to you, such as workplace stress, jealousy, or past grievances. Try not to take it as a personal attack.

  • Tip: Reframe their behavior by reminding yourself that their actions are about them, not you. This can help you maintain a sense of emotional distance and reduce the impact of their negativity. BUT this does not mean you can excuse this type of behavior......read on.


3. Set Clear Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a vindictive coworker. Their behavior can quickly become toxic if you don’t assertively define what is acceptable. Make it clear that you will not tolerate hostile or undermining behavior, and stick to those boundaries consistently.

  • Tip: If they speak to you in a demeaning or hostile way, calmly but firmly state, "I’d prefer if you communicate with me respectfully."

  • Tip: If they try to sabotage your work or exclude you from conversations, politely request that they include you in discussions or provide necessary information.

By setting boundaries, you send the message that you won’t tolerate manipulation, hostility, or disrespect. Be prepared to reinforce your boundaries if necessary, but always do so in a calm, professional manner.


4. Document Everything!!!!!

If your coworker’s vindictive behavior escalates or starts affecting your work or reputation, it's essential to document every instance of their inappropriate actions. Keep a detailed record of any interactions, including emails, messages, or in-person confrontations. This documentation can be crucial if you need to involve your manager or HR in resolving the situation.

  • Tip: Note the date, time, and context of each incident, as well as any witnesses. This record can help you provide concrete evidence if the situation progresses and you need to escalate the issue.


5. Avoid Gossip and Retaliation

When dealing with a difficult coworker, it’s tempting to vent to other colleagues or engage in gossip. However, this can backfire and escalate tensions. Gossiping about the situation or retaliating can make you appear unprofessional and may even damage your reputation. Instead, focus on addressing the situation directly with the individual or, if necessary, through appropriate channels.

  • Tip: Keep discussions about the situation private and professional. If you need advice, consult with a trusted mentor or HR professional, not colleagues who might further fuel the conflict.

  • Tip: Resist the urge to "get even" or respond with passive-aggressive behavior. Retaliation will only perpetuate the cycle of conflict.


6. Have a Direct Conversation (If Possible)

If you feel comfortable and the situation allows, consider having a direct, private conversation with your coworker. Sometimes, a straightforward discussion can clear the air and reduce misunderstandings. Approach the conversation with a focus on resolving the issue and improving future interactions.

  • Tip: Use "I" statements to express how their behavior affects you, such as “I feel uncomfortable when...” or “I find it difficult to work effectively when...”

  • Tip: Be open to listening to their perspective. In some cases, they may have underlying concerns or frustrations that can be addressed through communication.

However, be cautious when approaching a vindictive coworker. If you suspect that the conversation could lead to further manipulation or retaliation, it may be best to consult with HR or a manager before initiating a direct discussion.


7. Involve Management or HR When Necessary

If the situation doesn’t improve or worsens despite your efforts to manage it, it may be time to escalate the issue. Involving a manager or HR should be a last resort, but it can be necessary when a coworker’s behavior crosses the line into harassment or workplace bullying.

  • Tip: When escalating the situation, be clear and concise about the issues you’ve faced. Share the documented instances and explain how their behavior has impacted your work and well-being.

  • Tip: Stay professional and avoid emotional language. HR’s role is to ensure a healthy work environment, so presenting the issue calmly and factually will help them address the matter effectively.

  • FYI - A 2019 survey of 30,000 employees found that nearly one in three people had left jobs due to workplace conflicts. 


8. Take Care of Yourself

Dealing with a vindictive coworker can be emotionally draining. It’s important to prioritize your own mental health and well-being. If the situation becomes overwhelming, make sure you are seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor.

  • Tip: Practice stress management techniques, such as exercise, meditation, or journaling, to help you cope with the emotional toll.

  • Tip: Set aside time for self-care outside of work to recharge and maintain your resilience in the face of difficult workplace dynamics.



Managing Conflict with an Angry, Vindictive Coworker


Dealing with an angry, vindictive coworker requires patience, emotional intelligence, and a professional approach. By staying calm, setting clear boundaries, documenting behavior, and seeking support when necessary, you can navigate workplace conflict without letting it affect your performance or well-being.


Remember, you don’t have to tolerate inappropriate behavior, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself and address the situation effectively. If you need help, don’t hesitate to turn to HR or management for support. Ultimately, by managing difficult relationships professionally, you can maintain a positive, productive work environment for yourself and your colleagues.


MORE RESOURCES: Strategies for Managing Workplace Conflict


Preventing and dealing with bullying and workplace conflict: Guide for Managers: https://www.cipd.org/en/knowledge/guides/workplace-conflict-people-manager-guide/

There Are 6 Types Of Co-Workers — We Can Guess Which One You Are https://www.buzzfeed.com/chuphanginichandrakanthan/design-your-dream-office



People approach conflict in various ways. A person may have one or more methods they prefer and use regularly. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is a psychological tool used to measure an individual’s inclination towards a specific method of handling conflict. 




Keywords: dealing with a vindictive coworker, how to handle a toxic coworker, angry coworker, workplace conflict resolution, coworker hostility, passive-aggressive behavior at work, managing workplace conflict, professional communication in the workplace, dealing with difficult coworkers.


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